PASSING IT ON
(FOUR GENERATIONS OF GRAHAM TRADITION)
J.M. Ngul Khan Pau
In commemoration of her parents' 50th wedding anniversary, Gigi Tchividjian Graham, Billy and Ruth Graham's eldest child, shares an intimate memoir of her family heritage. Gigi reflects on the privilege of growing up in the family of Billy and Ruth Graham.
The title PASSING IT ON draws from the death bed exhortation of grandmother Graham to granddaughter Gigi, regarding their faith to "pass it on" to her children. She reflects on the principles and lessons learned by four generations of children, Graham parents, grandparents and great-grandparents, who consider it a priority to "pass on" the instructions given to Moses in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, which reads: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up"
When Billy Graham know that he was going to be away from home much of the time, he let Ruth choose where she would like to live. She chose a little cove in the mountains of North Carolina called Montreat. The reason being that her parents a retired medical missionary and surgeon in China lived not far away from and they could help her in raising her five children while Billy was away most of the times.
Looking back over the year at her mother's decision, Gigi is grateful and she felt that the Holy Spirit was guiding her mother in that important decision. She grew up knowing all the privileges and blessings of the extended family. She is also grateful for the influence her grandmother had on her values and character.
In an interview, Ruth Graham was once asked how she had raised her five children. She replied, "On my knees." Gigi recalls that although her daddy was not at home much of the time, every evening when he was at home, he led the family in daily Bible reading and prayer. She felt that her father practiced at home what he preached in public. Children need to see their parents on their knees and loving one another. She also recalls her mother's love and dependence on the scripture.
Gigi also shares that as parents our task is not to showcase perfect families within our communities. Our task is to allow an unbelieving world to see a real family struggling with real issues yet finding strength and wisdom in a loving, sufficient Savior. A psychologist mentioned that one of the main reasons families especially Christian families, were dysfunctional was that they were more interested in maintaining an image than solving a problem. Very often, we're tempted to hide the faults and failures in our family. But let us not make the mistake of being so concerned about our image, our standing in the community, our reputation that we don't work on or seek help in solving our problem. As a child, some of the family values and principles that Gigi reflects are:
- When the children were young, her parents made all decisions for them with their best interests in mind. But as they grew older, the children learned to make these decisions together.
- Moral issues such as honesty, purity and respect of elders were strongly emphasized. But minor issues like the length of hair or taste in clothing were never made issues.
- Her parents respected their individuality and privacy. They never entered their children's bedroom without knocking. They never read their letters, notes from boyfriends or their diary. They never listened in on their conversations on the telephone. They treated their children with respect.
- They were always free to talk to their parents about anything, and they were always permitted to disagree respectfully. If they believed they had been wrong, they admitted it.
- They always have time together as a family: Time to talk, time to play, time to disagree, time to share, to love, to get to know one another. Time to understand one another's hurts and hopes and dreams and fears. Time just to be there for each other. Time to catch the first little signs or clues that something is wrong so that you can work together before it becomes a major problem.
- Her parents always have time for the children. She don't ever remember going to her father's office and being told that he was too busy.
- Our priceless heritage builder we can all afford is a simple photo album. With an inexpensive camera and a determination to capture some of the fun moments on film. You can create a book that will mean more to your family in future years than almost any other item in the house. It gives the children a personal sense of belonging and continuity. As they leaf through the pages, they feel their past and place in the flow of the family history.
- Sunday nights were very special family nights. They would gather around the piano and sing hymns and play Bible games. Gigi learned a great deal about the Bible from those games.
- There was lots of fun and laughter. Tension was often broken by a joke. As family, they try to see the humorous side even in difficult situations.
- When they had personal or family problems, they were taught to talk them over with their heavenly Father. In fact, they were taught to talk to God about everything, from a major decision in life, such as college or our future life-partners, to simply finding a parking space uptown. In other words, their faith became part of their everyday life. This enables them not to separate their spiritual life from their daily life.
- When they were children, the family received monetary gifts from all over the country. Their parents used those gifts to help teach the children faithfulness in giving. They started a HELP fund. When some people in the local community needed clothes or food, they went into their HELP fund and make a difference in their lives.
We may not be able to apply all principles in our family, but we can easily take in some to build strong family. The Graham's families have used these principles for four generations. It will not be too early to start for you and your family. May the Lord bless you to build a strong heritage so that you can pass it on to the next generation.
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